my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
