Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
