I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
