I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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