dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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