We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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