She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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