i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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