Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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