didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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