I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
