Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
