Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
bring money and cleavage
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
