My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize