So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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