Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
