I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
