Swine flu is the new snow day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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