Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
