I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
