my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Farmville is her only friend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
