There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
