i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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