What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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