And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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