i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
