Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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