sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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