dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
