We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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