I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
