I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
