Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
