and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
