now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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