The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
