and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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