Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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