remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize