if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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