You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
only you would photoshop your dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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