She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
