This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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