I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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