I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
