last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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