Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
