I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
