He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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