so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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