He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
