I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
