I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize