I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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