dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just pee around me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
