I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
