Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
