It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
