those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
