I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize