my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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