I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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