cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize