just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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