I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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