Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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