I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
