Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
