hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
