I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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