all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
