On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
