I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
