Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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