It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
