Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
