The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
