I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
