Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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