The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
