i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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