you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
