I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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