Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
