I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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